September 15, 2013

As of late, I’ve been thinking of my future, like what do I want to do after I graduate, looking out for internships and what not. However the future seems bleak, and I keep thinking that I’ve picked the wrong course to study. Majority of my school fees are from the money I’ve saved working the past 2 years, I had to forgo many different things just to save up, all the bags and wallets that I love to own, trips to where ever I want to, however I’ve decided that they are just wants and not necessities.

Many have told me that once you start working, there is no end, and therefore I should enjoy Uni. In fact I don’t see any difference between going to school and working! I go to school, listen to the lecturers speak (I do really enjoy what I’m learning) then go home right after that, I literally have no friends and i roam around the school like a nomad/loner. 

Currently I’m obsessed with a hong kong drama, a love story revolving around the airline industry, that made me consider becoming an air stewardess. I guess I may not be up to it as I have an uninviting aura, well is it my fault that I look or sound the way I am? sighpau, sigh. 

Sometimes I feel that life isn’t worth living anymore and all I’m doing is waiting for death, since young, when I visit my grandmother’s niche, I always can’t help but notice this girl’s niche. Instead of those ‘mugshot’ photo, this girl’s photo is her dancing really happily. Since then I’ve always thought to myself that I wanted something like that. Lately I’ve been thinking of my own funeral, as morbid as that sounds, I feel so happy talking about it. 

Never once in my life I felt so happy planning for a ‘party’. Even gave my 21st a miss, as I didn’t see the point in it, but after telling my brother what I wanted for my funeral, I realized I knew exactly what I wanted right down to the tiniest detail, well I do not know why I think like that, my mind prolly knows that I’ll be alone forever, so better tell my wishes to someone close to me.

shall end with some happy pictures 

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