October 28, 2013

Self esteem and self confidence, never had issue with it before, but now it seems to be bothering me and affecting my life, getting frustrated and crying ever so often isn’t normal.

Getting affected over the slightest comment of my outfit, weight and appearance gets me all tensed up and angsty, never once did I bother about it before, why now?

Have I changed for the worst or the better?

I hope it’s the latter but I know it’s not! Pushing away people out of my life has become a habit, I get irritated and annoyed when I’ve been together with anybody for too long and find ways and means to push them away from my life, I really think it’s a psychological problem that I need to fix before it worsens and is become one of those crazy people on “my crazy obsession”.

Sometimes I feel that death is the only solution, I’ve not reached the extent of self harm or suicide yet, don’t think I ever will because I’m scared of the physical pain that comes with it. I don’t see my significance on earth, I dampen other people spirit with my conservative and narrow-mindedness, I have nothing to offer anyone, no skills, intellect or talent whatsoever that I feel like a nuisance to society and a burden to earth’s resources.

Why am I so bothered with all these factors? Why can’t I make YOLO my life motto and ignore everything and be who I am? Why why why!


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